Breaking up is hard to do. Whether you've been considering separating for a while or it’s come completely out of the blue, figuring out the next steps can be distressing. There are practical decisions to make. Which one of us is going to move out? Do we need to sell our home? How often will I see the kids? What will happen to my business?

You may be hearing stories and getting advice from loved ones who have already gone through it themselves. But each couple is different. What worked for them may not work for you.

So let’s look at the different courses of action you can take. 

1. Go to court

Turning to the courts is often the first thing that springs to mind when people think about resolving legal disputes. But going to court can be a contentious and costly option, and a lengthy one. Getting your day in court could be a long way off and you have little control over the process or the outcome – the power of decision-making lies with the judge. 

2. Make an agreement between yourselves

You and your partner may be able to work through your issues together without involving lawyers initially. This approach works best though if your separation is amicable and there’s a high level of trust and open communication between the two of you. It’s a good idea though to get a lawyer to formalise the agreement so it’s legally binding and the legal implications of your agreement are properly explained to you. If there is no written agreement you risk a subsequent dispute and court application.

3. Negotiation between your lawyers

Your lawyers can engage in discussions and negotiations on your behalf. This can be particularly helpful if you don’t feel comfortable speaking with your partner directly. Negotiation usually occurs through emails and letters but sometimes you both attend meetings with your lawyers. 

4. Mediation

Mediation can be used instead of, or alongside the other options. Your mediator should be a neutral third party who is there to help facilitate the discussion between you both to help you  reach an agreement. It’s less formal, less expensive, and quicker than going to court. It may not be suitable if there is a significant power imbalance though, or a history of abuse or a lack of understanding of all of the isssues.

5. Arbitration

Arbitration is a process where an impartial third party called the arbitrator, acts as a private judge. You and your partner present your case and the arbitrator makes a binding decision. Arbitration is typically faster and more flexible than going through the family court. But, like court, it’s relatively adversarial and could lead to a win-lose outcome.

6. Collaborative Practice

Collaborative practice is a unique approach that fosters respectful, cooperative problem-solving. In this voluntary process, each of you engage a lawyer who has undertaken collaborative practice training. You, your partner, and your lawyers, work together in a series of meetings to reach an agreement. Other professionals, such as financial experts or child specialists can be brought in to to provide advice and support. 

How do I decide what’s right for me?

Using the right dispute resolution option can help minimise stress, cost, and conflict, and lead to better outcomes for both of you. A family lawyer can help you assess your options and work out which process will work best for you. 

If your relationship is ending and you need advice on property or parenting, our free online tool can help you start to navigate the process.