“I’m struggling so much with my daughter leaving for college. I never appreciated how awful this would be, and I don’t feel I can talk to others about it without sounding ridiculous.” Over the years, I’ve had many parents write to me with words just like these. One even confessed, “I hope you don’t think I’m a total fruit loop for reaching out, but life feels empty and I’m a bit lost.”

The truth is, what they’re experiencing isn’t ridiculous at all. It’s grief - empty nest grief - and it hurts.

It’s that time of year in many parts of the world when children leave home, off to new schools, apprenticeships, university, college, or overseas adventures. Maybe it’s their first big departure. Or perhaps you’ve had them back under your roof all summer, only to watch them pack up again. Either way, their absence can leave you feeling utterly bereft.

What Empty Nest Grief Really Is

Are you aware that you’re grieving? In all likelihood, that’s exactly what’s happening. And I want to reassure you, that’s okay. In fact, it’s wholly understandable, and entirely appropriate.

Psychologist Pauline Boss called this ambiguous loss: situations where a loved one is physically absent but psychologically present; I think of it as hidden grief, the kind that isn’t always visible to others, but can be felt so deeply.

When our boys first left, I found myself shutting their bedroom doors. It was easier not to walk past and see the absence staring back at me. Closing those doors wasn’t about denial, it was about coping - one small act that helped me steady myself until the ache softened.

I first wrote about the last term of parenting as we knew it almost a decade ago, when our eldest was about to leave school. Back then, I could only imagine what this stage might feel like. Now, living without our boys under our roof, I see how those early endings and this empty nest grief are part of the same story - reminders that life never stands still, but also proof of the work we've put in and how much we care.

Sometimes the hardest thing is the packing - but the silence and emptiness after they’ve gone feels even worse. 

To read the full blog — exploring why this grief matters, how letting children go is a mark of success, and ways to stay connected without crowding — click here.